No Elevator (or The Importance of Word Choices)

My name is Todd, and I am Phoebe's husband. By the Blankinship/Horton gang, I've answered to Tahhh!!! (Beckett), Babe (Phoebe), and even Scott (Marilyn). For a while there Marilyn thought my parents had named me the wrong name and that it should be Scott. When she and Bill met my parents for the first time, Marilyn even said to my mom, "We love Scott!" - but that's a whole other blog post in itself. 

I'm normally good for a few laughs at my own expense and this story is no different. I've been told that this story has caused embarrassment (mainly from myself), milk shot out of nostrils, and tears from laughing so hard.  We will see how this translates through a blog post.  Here we go....

Short story long....Phoebe and I were in town one weekend visiting Bill and Marilyn. The four of us decided we wanted to go out to eat. (Marilyn is probably reading this right now thinking...."Ok Todd, how about we go back to that Scott post!!")

There was a place in downtown Raleigh that they had been to before, but were hesitant about going to now because it has a long steep staircase in the front. I said, "Let's go there! I'll carry you up the steps. Piggy back, bridal carry, fireman carry over the shoulder - you tell me what you want and we'll make it happen." So we get in the car and go. There's no parking on the street. Bill pulls up curb side and I hop out to see what the wait is for four. I open the door to the restaurant and look up. HOLY stairs!! I'm talking, you get to the top of the stairs and you clear your throat as you try and play off the fact that you are out of breath. On top of that, once you get to the top step you are IN the middle of the restaurant. Everyone is sitting at their tables eating and looking at you thinking, yup, he just cleared his throat. He's out of breathe. I digress.

The hostess says they can seat us now. I go back down the stairs and let them know. Phoebe and Marilyn get out of the car and Bill drives away to find a place to park. We open the door and see the stairs again. Marilyn says, "Todd we do not have to do this." (I must have had sweat marks coming through the back of my shirt from my last expedition on the stairs or something.) I said, "Oh, we're gonna do this!" She chose piggy back. I squatted all the way down to the ground to make it easy for her to climb on my back. She was on. We were already laughing. Well, Phoebe and Marilyn were. I was just thinking to myself, how in the hell am I'm going to stand up now. That thought came after the, why in the hell does this place not have an elevator thought. 

As I stood up, my legs shook a bit, and my knees buckled into place. Picture a new born colt trying to stand for this first time. (If you can't get the visual, YouTube this. It's spot on!) I was heading for a face plant on the stairs as I reached one arm out to catch myself and she grabbed the railing. That's when I started laughing as well thinking if anyone is watching this I can only imagine what they're thinking.  Phoebe is behind us laughing so hard she couldn't even think to record it. Marilyn puts her arms around my neck and we make it up the stairs. Reminder....you are in the middle of the restaurant at the top of the stairs. Everyone is eating and we pop out. Me carrying Marilyn piggy back and us laughing hysterically. We definitely got everyone's attention and some strange looks. But we gather ourselves and follow the hostess to our table.

-At this point in the story everyone usually cuts us off and says, "there was an elevator!"
Nope.
No elevator.

So looking over the menus, we begin to discuss how to get her down the stairs afterwards, without hesitation I said....well, I MEANT to say...or I should have said, "You can go down with me."  BUT...  I actually used the word "on" instead of "with".  

LONG PAUSE----

Seconds later, as we all realize what I had just said, I mumble, "well that sounded terrible." That's when the laughing and crying started again. We couldn't stop. Then, Bill shows up and wonders why we are all beet red and crying.   I couldn't believe what I had said. Not something you ever imagine yourself saying to your mother-in-law.  We still laugh about this story today like it just happened. And we may not be able to go back to The Rockford ever again.

-----------

I didn't want to take too much time to write on the sad stuff so I'll just say this....I heard a quote that "flowers can bloom in the dark." That's all I think about when trying to stay positive. Here's to more laughs with an endlessly blooming flower!