The elephant in the room

Man, we've neglected this thing a bit haven't we?? Whoops.

I felt the need to put some thoughts down tonight and, to be honest, there's only one person I really hope reads this post.

Momma, I love you. I cannot even begin to understand what must go on inside that amazing mind of yours. I'm sitting here with so much I want to say to you but I can't even get my head wrapped around my thoughts. Dad is going out of town this weekend and Phoebe and I are your substitute "caregivers". I really don't like that word. What I really want to say is that we're having a girls' weekend (with a husband or two and some children included). What I really want to say is that I'm spending the weekend with my mom. I don't want to say that I'm "taking care of my mom" this weekend. It makes it sound like a chore. Like a to do list item.

Mom, you are not a chore. You are not a to do list item. You are not a burden.

You, momma, are the woman who has taken care of me my entire life. You've loved me, supported me, picked me up, kicked my butt, encouraged me, praised me, comforted me, taught me, guided me, and stood by me through every up and down. There were seasons when I know it had to have been a struggle. I had some serious downs. The one thing I always knew I had though, even when I felt like I had nothing, I always knew I had you behind me.

I wish, oh how I wish, I didn't have to "take care" of you this weekend. I wish you could do all of these everyday tasks that we all take for granted by yourself. I wish that you didn't have to worry that your helplessness was going to make us sad. It's going to make us sad. There's just no getting around that. It's the elephant in the room. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm scared. But, most of all, I am honored and grateful that you are still here for me to take care of. I'm grateful that I have the chance to love and support and care for you.

There is no greater gift from a parent to a child than their unconditional love and support. I'm grateful for it everyday and, I'm a better parent because of it. To be able to turn around as a child and give that back to you, because I want to, not because I have to... I just hope that you see and feel that same love and support that I have always felt from you.

I love you, momma, and I can't wait for this weekend!

io