The Year of Firsts

Surprisingly, we are half way through our "year of firsts". It doesn't feel like it at times. Sometimes it feels longer and sometime it feels like we lost her yesterday. We've already been through some tough firsts - birthdays, anniversaries, events that she was a huge part of. They were hard. We are coming up on a season of really tough firsts. The thing about them is, we know they are coming. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's - we know they are coming and we know they are going to be hard - there's no getting around them but at least we kind of have a heads up.

The firsts that get me are the ones that sneak up on me. The first time I was sick and wanted my mom. The first time Cole got a home run and the game ball and he wanted to tell her. The first time I figured out how to "do" my hair so that I looked like I just rolled out of bed... but in a cute way... not like how I actually roll out of bed. The first time I made a recipe written out in her handwriting. Those sneaky little ones are the ones that really get me. And those are mean because you don't see them coming - you don't get a heads up. 

That being said, there are some "firsts" that come and don't make me sad but rather, make me smile and sometimes even laugh. Tonight was one of those nights. Tonight, we played Wii baseball which is not a new thing. The thing about it was that tonight, I was really paying attention. Tonight I realized that mom's Wii character was on one of the teams. Tonight, Cole got so excited that Jahbee was on his team. Tonight, Jahbee played her ass off getting a home run and several outs in the outfield. But the best part about her character popping up on our Wii is, she built this character. I remember her doing it. We had taken the Wii to their house - probably pre-Cole - and she built her person, complete with glasses and a big grin. Then, she named it. Seeing the name she picked pop up on our TV tonight gave me the giggles and reminded me of just how dang funny she was! You see, one day, probably 15+ years ago, Mom got a piece of junk mail addressed to "Merlin Blankinshit". We laughed about it and threw it away but, when it came time to name her Wii character... she went with "Poop Wizard" - you get it? Merlin = Wizard, Blankinshit = poop... Poop Wizard! I mean, that is hilarious!! 

So those are my favorite firsts. The firsts that pop up and punch me in the gut but make me reflect on what an incredible person she was. She was spectacular. And based on the baseball game tonight, she still is spectacular. 

I miss you, momma. More than words can describe. I hope you know that we are doing ok. That you left us with enough love and funny to get us through. I love you. I'm thankful for you. io